How's Your Online Lingo?

Published in the April 2009 Issue April 2009 Brady L. Kay

I still stand by my statement that boaters are some of the friendliest and most helpful people you'll ever come across. What's in their cooler is yours and if you're having a problem with your engine, they're quick to grab their tools and offer to take a look. Forget your sun block? It's not a problem; some boater will have your back and will be glad to lend you a bottle of his.

But something happens in the winter months to some of these happy-go-lucky individuals. An odd transformation happens when they set foot on land and get behind a computer monitor. I'm convinced that cabin fever is real and until the weather warms up, there are a lot of split personalities out there so don't say I didn't warn you. It's almost like you get two different perspectives from the same person when you compare Mr. Online boater to Mr. Summertime boater.

ONLINE your boat is a piece of junk.

ON WATER it's not important what you're in as long as you're on the water.

ONLINE your NFL team is pathetic and you can't possibly expect them to ever be any good.

ON WATER your team is just rebuilding and things will get better.

ONLINE you wouldn't know a map if Captain Morgan read it to you.

ON WATER it's great that you rely on your nautical instincts.

ONLINE you hang out with a bunch of drunk losers.

ON WATER you guys are the last of a dying breed of party animals, keep it up!

ONLINE you're a sellout for buying from a different manufacturer this year.

ON WATER you're not afraid to try different things and look at other builders.

ONLINE your manufacturer is a silver-spoon billionaire who bought the company just because he could.

ON WATER your manufacturer is part of the capitalist system that made this country great.

ONLINE your kids are out of control and a nuisance to everyone at the sandbar.

ON WATER it's great that you just let your kids play and explore on their own.

ONLINE you're a perverted lush who has rubbed up against more coeds than a sorority-house beagle.

ON WATER you obviously understand the importance of connecting and being a mentor to today's youth.

ONLINE you think you have NASCAR skills, but you're a maniac who is out there putting lives in peril.

ON WATER you can tell you really know how to handle your boat.

ONLINE your guests are water patrol-baiting loudmouths who need to get a life.

ON WATER your guests are outgoing and are well-known by others.

ONLINE your dealer is a bloodthirsty, madman who ought to be handcuffed for some of the antics that he pulls.

ON WATER your dealer is old school.

ONLINE your new GPS is a complete bust.

ON WATER it takes awhile to get comfortable with the intricacies of the system, but you'll get it figured out soon.

ONLINE you're an idiot to live in such a cold state that your boating season falls on a weekend.

ON WATER you're lucky to live in a beautiful place that gives you different seasons.

ONLINE your mechanic is a single-toothed, liquor-soaked, foulmouthed vermin that real vermin cross the street to avoid.

ON WATER your mechanic is fiercely loyal to his job.

ONLINE your magazine editor writes crazy columns that no one can relate to.

ON WATER your magazine editor is right on this month.

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