Our 2004 Buyer’s Guide was 86 pages and so heavy that I contemplated going to get the dolly to haul it from the archive room back to my office. But laziness lost out and I pushed through with my own strength. Since I just finished up my share of the bios this year, I was interested in knowing what had changed.
When I call manufacturers to get updated info for the year, I get really excited and start talking quickly. Being excitable is in my DNA. So when I called Joe Curran, president of Crest Marine, and started asking him about the new Savannah, the amenities, the construction, the innovation and so on. I had laid about 15 questions on the table without waiting for a response when he told me that he felt like he was auditioning for a cheap dating game show. My journalism professor would be so proud.
I’m telling this to give you a heads up. If I ever get the chance to interview you, I might accidentally make you feel unloved and desperate. But that’s really not my intent. I just have an inquisitive mind.
When I was looking at the Buyer’s Guide from 2004, the first story that caught my attention was the headline “Five Stupid Questions That Every Boater Should Ask.” The word stupid is known as the “s” word in our home, unless I’m talking to our less-smarter-than-average dog. Then it’s okay.
Since I’m obviously great at asking questions, I thought this would be a good chance to see how it would be to answer them. I decided the answers that were in print were a little too PR-ish. So I’ve take the liberty of correcting them. Wowza, this is going to be fun.
The first question you should ask is, “How many people can I fit on this boat?” I’ve been asking that for years. Every year at the Shootout, I look at the passenger capacity stickers, literally gasp and then ask myself, “Would I want to be on this boat with 36 additional people?” A general rule of thumb would be that if the sticker says your entire neighborhood can fit on the boat at the same time, keep looking. We boat to get away from the craziness, not to bring it with us. Sometimes I think they base these passenger capacity numbers off captives in Somalian pirate ships.
Question two. Can I tow this with my current vehicle? I’m generally a desert dweller, so this question is important. I remember the first time I saw PDB Editor Brady Kay bringing his pontoon to the lake and it reminded me of a ghost chasing Pac-Man. At the reservoir where we were meeting, you drive down into a little canyon and Brady’s huge truck looked like it was being overtaken by an alien spaceship. Other people around us were gasping at the enormity of it. But, hey, it works. A pontoon is a towable boat if you drive anything bigger than a Prius.
Question three. What size motor am I going to need, really? If your boat can easily be compared to the Wal-Mart Rascal cart, it’s time to upgrade. Phew. That was a hard one.
Question four. What do I need to store this thing? There are way too many different scenarios to answer this question sufficiently. But that’s what I’m here for. You need a mooring cover with UV resistant fabric and some kind of lift or trailer. The rest of the amenities out there are like wipe warmers for infants. You can actually do a lot of things, like warming up a hiney, with elbow grease. Slap on some Sharkhide my friends (on your boat, not the baby). As far as other accessories go, if you can afford it, get it but don’t let it deter you from buying a boat.
Actually, take back everything I just said. Move to Havasu in Arizona where you never have to put it away.
Question five. What kind of hull will work best for my needs? I’m going to go with one that floats. You should be good after that. It may not be the most technical answer but if you want to boat badly enough, you can make it work.
That was fun and good practice on my own PR skills. What do you think?
